


cracked out avengers

by howlingalpha



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 17:16:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8335900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howlingalpha/pseuds/howlingalpha
Summary: a story my friend created title summerises it all





	

Wanda decided to head over to the Avengers Tower after a long day of playing her guitar on the street corner for extra cash. But what she saw when she entered the Tower was something she hadn’t expected. Apparently, she couldn’t leave this moron of a team alone for five minutes. 

Pietro was sitting there on the couch, just staring at the wall. That was unusual for his always moving nature.

“Uhhh, Pietro. What are you doing?”

He turned super slowly toward her, as if in a trance.

“Oh. Hey. Wan. Da.”

“Pietro, what’s wrong with you?”

“We. Just. Smoked. Crack. I am. Totally. High.”

Wanda turned and glared at Natasha and Clint, knowing there were the ones to provide it. Then she wished she hadn’t. There was Natasha, swinging around a pole, strip teasing Bruce. Or...The Hulk more likely. 

She slid her hand down her face. 

“Natasha, just what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m teasing Bruce, obviously.”

Hulk growled.

“HULK SMASH NATASHA ASS!!!”

“That’s the spirit, Bruce! Do it for America!” Steve shouted, rolling over on top of a naked Bucky. 

Wanda sighed.

“DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS EVERYDAY!?”

Pietro turned back to his exasperated sister.

“Hey. Wanda?”

“Yes Pietro?”

“What. Do you call. A. Three. Humped. Camel?”

“What do you call it, Pietro?”

“Preg. Nant. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.”

“Pietro, that’s not funny.”

“Sure it is, Wanda. Don’t be so boring,” Clint said, snorting as he laughed as Tony came running through the room, Jarvis on his heels.

“JARVIS!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!” Tony screamed. 

“Wait, Mister Stark. Come back. I love you.” Jarvis shouted, floating after Tony as he ran in in nothing but his boxers.

Wanda couldn’t help but laughing at that, mostly due to the fact that she knew how clingy Jarvis was. She had experienced it everyday since she had left Ultron and join the Avengers. Especially during that period when Tony had locked her in the room with Jarvis.

Then in came Thor, swinging Mjolnir like nobody’s business, Loki coming in right after him.

“Petty humans! We have done the incest!!”

“That’s the spirit, Thor! Do it for Asgard!!” Tony shouted, still trying to run from Jarvis.

“HULK MAKE NATASHA NOT SO TIGHT ANYMORE!!!!” Hulk quickly jumped from where he was sitting in the corner watching Natasha as she continued to tease him and pulled her from the pole. He bounded out the door, Natasha giggling and squealing the entire way out.

Then there was Steve and Bucky rolling on the ground, naked. Completely and utterly naked. God, Wanda really wish she had decided to stay home that day instead of heading here like she normally did. That really wasn’t a sight she wanted to see, but to be honest, it wasn’t a bad sight. Bucky and Steve both looked too good to be 99. Wanda shook her head to regain her thoughts. 

“Ugh, you guys seriously do this everytime I leave you alone for more than five minutes. Where do you even get all of that crack in the first place?” Wanda sighed.

Behind her, Thor snickered.

“Dear mutant friend, when you are one of Earth’s mightiest heroes, you can do whatever you want. And get whatever you want.”

“That’s right, Wanda. It’s awesome being one of the Avengers. You should try it sometime. You are always so uptight and pristine. I think you would be more like Pietro considering your father is the mysterious and evil genius, Magneto.” Bucky said as he jumped onto of Steve, tacking him from behind. Their naked bodies smacked together and Bucky’s metal arm hit the floor simultaneously hitting Steve in the shoulder.

“Oh for the love of America! Watch where you’re swinging that metal arm of yours!” 

“Oh, you want me to watch where I’m swinging my arm, huh Rogers? Fine, I’ll watch where I’m swinging it. Swinging it right up your little Captain booty!” Bucky shouted, thrusting his arm toward Steve’s butt, missing but not giving up. “Quit squirming you little baby!!”

“HAHAHA BUCKY QUIT!!!” Steve shouted. 

“Oh for the love of all that is holy! Do you guys ever give up?” Wanda screamed.

“Of course we never give up, you crazy mutant! We are the mightiest of the mighty! We fight for what’s right and when we are done, we get high!” Clint shouted, taking a hit from what looked like a joint.

Wanda growled.

“Call me a crazy mutant, and I’ll show you what crazy is! I will go all freaking Scarlet Witch on your little Hawkeye booty and I can guarantee it won’t be pleasant!”

“Gosh. Wan. Da. You need. To. Take. A. Seri. ous. Chill. Pill. Here. Try. This.” Pietro said, slowly handing her a her a crack pipe..

“Pietro I don’t want your freaking drugs!!” She turned and spun on her heel, storming out the door. “Every Fucking Time!!” She mumbled before leaving.


End file.
